Talking to our children about healthy sexuality and personal safety are important parts of prevention. Research tell us that children who have positive feelings about their bodies, accurate information about sexuality, and open communication with their parents, may be less likely to be targeted by abusers.

However, child sexual abuse is a complicated issue and talking about it may be scary for some parents. It can be difficult to know what to say, how much to say, and when to say it. We don't want to confuse or scare our children. But we do want to keep them safe.

Below are some general strategies for having these ongoing discussions with your children.

• Consider the messages you want to share—beforehand. Think of it as a process that evolves over time rather than a one-time event or “big discussion.”  Make sure the information you share with your children is appropriate to their ages and ability to understand (developmentally appropriate).
   
• Set and respect clear boundaries. All family members have the right to privacy (e.g., dressing and bathing). If someone acts in ways that violate these boundaries, it is an adult’s responsibility to enforce the boundaries.
   
• As your children grow, encourage them to take ownership over their bodies (e.g., to dress and bathe themselves). This will help them learn about boundaries and privacy. As they become more independent, respect their increasing need for privacy.
   
• Teach your children about setting their own personal boundaries. Show them their “no” will be respected.For example: your 5-year-old daughter does not want to kiss Grandma. Use this as a teachable moment. Let her know this is her decision to make and that it’s okay to say no. Respect her decision.
   
• Discuss what friendship is and is not. As they get older, talk about healthy relationships (e.g., open communication, mutual respect and trust, equal power).
   
• Establish and teach your children safety rules about private parts of their bodies (e.g., penis, vagina, anus, breasts). These rules should cover touching, as well as the taking and sharing of images (e.g., photos and videos). Use concrete examples to help them understand. Let them know there may be situations when these things are okay. For example: with a young child you may say “mommy and daddy can help you stay clean and touch your penis when we wash it.” With teenagers, you might discuss the safety rules for using the internet and technology (e.g., not sharing any personal information or sexually suggestive images over the internet or on their cell phones).
   
• Let your children know it is okay to say “no” if someone does not follow the safety rules and okay to tell a trusted adult.  Be careful, however, not to suggest that your children should/must protect themselves from sexual predators. It’s unrealistic to expect children to prevent sexual abuse. Be clear that keeping them safe is an adult’s job.
   
• Teach your children that secrets about touching and  pictures are never okay, no matter who asks them to keep the secret.
   
• Help your children identify trusted adults they feel they can turn to for help. Let them know they can talk to these adults if they feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused. It’s important to help children identify more than one adult and to update this list regularly.
   
• As of July 1, 2011, all Vermont schools will be required to teach child sexual abuse prevention as part of K-12 comprehensive health education. Find out what your school is doing and when. Use this as another opportunity to talk with your children.

You should also talk to your children about healthy sexuality.

If you need support or information, please go to the Find Resources page. There are resources that can help, including books and websites.

Helpful Resource

• Healthy VS Unhealthy Relationships: What You Need to Know